This weekend I have ignored all school responsibility and spent some much-needed time with my family. Friday evening I went shopping with my mom, and then we went out to each. On Saturday, I spent the entire day with my son, Owen. We went to my nephew's birthday party at a nearby park. I enjoyed watching Owen run around the park as he examined his feet walking across wood chips, stared at the other kids, chased after a dog, and ate birthday cake and Cheetos. That evening I watched a movie while Owen bounced around on the couch and scooted across the room on his truck.
Since this semester started, I have not been able to relax and just simply enjoy watching Owen be a little boy. Although I had a wonderful time with him, I could never get homework off my mind. I felt incredibly guilty for not keeping up with my work. I tried to ignore that nagging voice in my mind and just be with my son, but I could not completely focus on him. I usually like to use the weekends to catch up on homework, but, being a mother, that is not always possible.
However, even though I was beating myself up for not doing my homework, I never worked on any of it. I just let my work sit in my book bag while I laughed and played with Owen the entire day. I don't know if that makes me lazy or if maybe I am coming to terms with the fact that sometimes I have to just be a mother even if that means sacrificing my grades. I am trying to learn that I do not have to be perfect 100 percent of the time.
Although I am still a responsible student, I am learning that it is okay to let my school responsibilities slide a little for the betterment of my family. My son will be two years-old in January, and I do not want to miss a thing. I want to better his life by getting my college degree, but I am not willing to miss the precious moments in his life that go by too fast. I am trying every day to tell myself: "I am not perfect, but that's okay."
Jill! I think this is fabulous. Good on you for deciding what your priorities are and sticking to them, even if it was uncomfortable. While I understand what it's like to have homework ever hanging over your head (sigh), I can only imagine how much heavier, in your heart, it is to know that you should be spending time with your child.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine has two children that I used to tutor (one in 8th grade & the other in 10th) and a husband. She works for a law firm and has the nerve to go to school, all at the same time! lol/yikes! She asked me to tutor her kids again this year, but when I had to decline she asked how many hours I was taking this semester. When I told her, she scolded me and instructed me to take some time for myself, every 6 weeks. I'm still working on that.
I am proud of you, Jill. While I work too hard myself, it is important to put our most important things first. Family is most important, and they should come first. Owen is more important than having a perfect assignment. You'll do fine on your assignments, which I am confident you will get done, but you need to have some time with that precious child while he is still a child, for time goes so quickly.
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