This week I rediscovered a bad habit of mine; a deep dark ugly secret that I have been hiding for some time: I am a control freak. When given even a little bit of control over something, I will completely take over. I become this perfectionist monster, enforcing my opinion on those around me. My husband is usually the one who suffers. Poor guy.
Here's an example: Earlier this week, my hubby decided to touch up his resume a bit. It has been a couple of years since we had looked at it, so I thought it needed quite a few changes. Notice I said, "...We had looked at it," and "...I thought." Clearly I have issues with whose resume this really belongs to.
Whenever my husband takes on anything English related, I always feel that I know best, and that he should choose my suggestions over his own. He has his own English degree, and he knows a thing or two about writing, but we always clash when it comes to writing something together. He does ask for my help, but I'm sure he just meant for me to only help. I'm positive he is not asking, "Jill, will you please completely take over the task of re-writing my resume? And while you're at it, will you make me feel like a complete idiot because I don't think of the same words that you do?"
I don't mean to take over things; it's just that I have a passion for writing, especially technical things like letters, reports, resumes, term papers, etc. I think I am a decent technical writer, and I just want to share my skills with the man who shares my bed and is paying for my college education. Is that wrong?
However, when I did walk away and let him have full control over his own project, he actually did a really good job. I was very impressed with his word usuage and the language of his document. After I knew that he was okay without me, I was able to leave him alone and let him write by himself. I really need to do that more often.
The main problem is that my controlling nature is not just evident in all things English; it shows up in other areas of my life too. I still worry about things that went wrong at our wedding over three years ago, but I won't go there.
Hello, my name is Jill, and I am a control freak.
Hello, Jill, I am a reformed control freak! Now my children will say that I am not reformed; my husband will agree with them, but I know that I no longer stress out if I do not have COMPLETE control. I can walk away or even not even get involved. My family just has not noticed it yet. They are so used to me taking charge that they assume I still do. However, I have found a freedom in not taking charge, in letting someone else being responsible for the outcome of a project. Hold on, my husband is trying to fix our cuckoo clock--that is wind it up when it has not been wound in two days--and I need to show him how. OK, I'm back. Now, where was I? Oh yes, I find it refreshing not to have to drop everything to take care of every little thing that happens. Sorry, I have to go again. I need to show my husband how to set our new oven. Sigh. Letting go is so easy. I just wish my family understood that I no longer care.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think it is a good thing you feel you need to be in control. From what I have experienced in my life, these are the type of people that get things done. It is hard to find that median were you can pick your battles and still show support in others making their own decisions. Believe me your opinions are all ways important. If you don’t speak what is on your mind, then how will we ever grow?
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